The day has scarcely blossomed, when its glow
Is obscured from us, lost, as wilting bloom,
Midst curves of hillsides, draped in drifting snow,
Leaving only an opalescent gloom
Bleeding through the line between land and sky,
No longer day, but not yet fully night.
Mute snowflakes faintly glisten as they fly,
Reflecting the last of this sinking light,
Enchanting ribbons squalling through the grey
Should herald for us a silent warning
That a dark hunger soon will swallow day,
Leaving us with a long path to morning.
Instead we are mesmerised by the scene
Of the winter's fall, silent and serene.
This is my first ever sonnet - it's a bit like hard work!!!
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One question - is it better to start in past tense?
ReplyDeletethe silence of a snow-covered winter's day, i like that!
ReplyDeletegreat first go.
ReplyDeletei don't think you can use "had" instead of "has" at the start without then changing "Is" to "Was and then the second line seems to get a bit awkward. so, imho, i would leave the tense as is. of, course, what do i know?
Ha ha Gerry, that's what I was thinking anyway. I thought perhaps the sonnet form seems a little more modern in the present tense and yes you're right I'd have to move things about a bit.
ReplyDeleteNice to see you here - haven't seen you in a while. Do you have a blog?
"winter's fall, silent and serene."..that's how I always feel around snow. Itseems to make everything quieter and more serene.
ReplyDeleteLovely sonnet, Pinkerbell, and a lovely image to go with it.
Yes it's the quiet which is so magical. I don't think I caught that yet. Maybe a collecion of sonnets? (maybe after a rest!)
ReplyDeleteBut it is fabulous!!! Oh what beautiful description..."draped in drifting snow,
ReplyDeleteLeaving only an opalescent gloom..." I am reveling in this!!! You are incredible! Love you~Janine XO
Ah Thanks Janine! Yeah I liked that bit too...
ReplyDeleteSorry I've not been over to yours this week. I'll come over very soon. x
Dear Pinkerbell,
ReplyDeleteAn excellent first sonnet.
"Enchanting ribbons squalling through the
grey". Beautiful visual.
Hi Marie,
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by and leaving me a nice comment. I like the fact that different people like different lines.
Interesting you say about the visual. I had a clear picture in my mind and there was lots of arm waving involved in trying to paint it in words!