PROPHET:
Glint in his eye
Burning red
Sharp spears
Aiming deep
Into the conscience
Of the people passing by.
Accusation in his finger
Gnarled and pale
Kept rigid
By hope and fear
Pointing like an arrow
At the world.
Conviction in his voice
Telling the ignorant
To guard the future
Well-worn words
Startling, yet
Bland through use.
Indifference in their faces
Meagre audience
No tolerance
Listening, but
Not hearing
Just killing time.
He has a vision and a mission
A message of reformation and redemption.
Desperation in his bones
Sitting hunched
On the pavement
Feet in the gutter
The lights of the cars
Glinting red in his eye.
*
Storm Room - Janet Cardiff & George Bures Miller
13 years ago
SO - what I'm going to do is to make the changes to the poem as it was originally in the post - but I thought I'd better copy the original here first. So see what you think of my changes??
ReplyDeletePROPHET:
Glint in his eye
Burning red
Sharp spears
Eating deep
Into the conscience
Of the people passing by.
Accusation in his finger
Gnarled and pale
Kept upright
By hope and fear
Pointing like an arrow
At the world.
Conviction in his voice
Telling the ignorant
To guard the future
Well-worn words
Startling, yet
Bland through use.
Hate in their faces
Meagre audience
No tolerance
Listening, but
Not hearing
Just killing time.
He has a vision and a mission
A message of reformation and redemption.
Desperation in his bones
Sitting hunched
On the pavement
Feet in the gutter
The lights of the cars
Glinting red in his eye.
I like this one too. Punchy. The changes are right I think, although nothing much wrong with the old one.
ReplyDeletePoor old bloke, I want to buy him a pint...