I've been absent for a while.
I do apologise.
I couldn't quite cope with it, any of it. I've just been coping with what cannot be ignored. The things were were mandatory like working, eating, sleeping, being alive and the people who have been right here and right there, people living and breathing with me. All the rest of you have been in my thoughts, but beyond my reach, so I hope you all forgive me and continue to visit here sometime like you used to do.
At one point I wanted to delete my blog completely, so that I didn't feel guilty for not updating it, but it wouldn't let me. It promised to be quiet and wait patiently for me to feel like I could return. So I unpublished everything to stop it all whispering to my guilty conscience.
I don't know if I'm better, I don't know if I'm ok, but I feel a bit more like I can share myself again.
I needed to slim down though, I needed to allow myself to wrap some parts of my self back inside myself again, so you'll find quite a lot of my musings have been left out of the posts which I've republished here. I've slimmed it down to the poetry and the posts purely about myself and my feelings. I wanted to make sure that I was publishing to the world only those emotional insights which are truly mine to publish. Anything about family and friends has been missed out.
I realise that some of you have left supportive comments on those posts which are no longer showing here, please be reassured that I do appreciate you all and those comments helped me at those dark times. Like those friends who lovingly got me gifts of chocolates and cakes in the past, I really did appreciate those at the time, but the current healthy living plan needs me to take a new direction.
I hope to improve my mood still further to be able to write poetry again. I've felt some pangs of longing for this starting to develop, so I know I'll get there soon. Partly this has been fed by the publication of the long-awaited book of the book of the Guardian Poster Poem blog.
Seeing as my biography in this publication says I'm on a poetry journey, I guess I'd better get back on the bus..... so WATCH THIS SPACE...
Who Says Words with My Mouth - Rumi
4 years ago