tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post7231110455873572543..comments2023-05-09T03:17:00.347-07:00Comments on Ripples in a small pond: Bye, bye baby: lost on a dark blue seaPinkerbellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08284177422261688401noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-68388559455991713022009-08-04T20:39:53.652-07:002009-08-04T20:39:53.652-07:00I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
It was ver...I am so terribly sorry for your loss. <br /><br />It was very touching to read how your husband could be there for you when you most needed him- this is how it's supposed to be. This piece is so raw, real, and vulnerable- definitely deserved POTD; congrats. <br /><br />You'll be in my thoughts, Pink. <br /><br />Hugs and more hugs. <br /><br /><3 EAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-20764632454426821482009-08-04T00:59:03.684-07:002009-08-04T00:59:03.684-07:00Cheffie-Mom, Mimi, and Marie - thanks so much for ...Cheffie-Mom, Mimi, and Marie - thanks so much for your kind comments. Marie - I'm not sure how I can help others. My husband suggested I send my account to the Miscarriage Association or to see if there is some help group or other which could use this to show others that it's normal to go through so much emotion at losing a baby in the very early stages. I think there is a view that it's not really far enough along to be considered a baby, or maybe that's just how people have learned to view these things as they are so often lost in the very early stages. Needs must and all that.<br /><br />I've heard a few people saying that they cry when they come out of anaesthetics and my sister used to be an anaesthetics nurse and she says it's quite common. I suppose I don't feel quite as stupid for crying, but I still like to think that my crying was significant, that I'd have felt different if something like a tumour or an absess had been removed (ie something you're glad to lose), but I'll never know I suppose.<br /><br />Also Marie, I've always treated this blog as somewhere to write my total and honest truth, sometimes painfully true I think. There is a compulsion when with people in the flesh to be ok, to act ok and not to be too over-dramatic. It's much easier to share deep thoughts online when anonymous and when you know that people only read it because they choose to and not because they feel they should. So basically this is much more for my benefit than anyone else's, although I'm happy if people find something here they like.Pinkerbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284177422261688401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-50028174487287293992009-08-02T17:07:13.016-07:002009-08-02T17:07:13.016-07:00Dear Pinkerbell, I am so very sorry to learn
of yo...Dear Pinkerbell, I am so very sorry to learn<br />of your loss. You have amazing strength to<br />recount your story - and I am so pleased<br />and grateful that you did, for your pain<br />will help/ease anothers. You and your husband are remarkable. As you said now you<br />truly know the length and breath of your<br />husband's love.<br />Thank you again for sharing this long<br />moment in your life 'Bell.<br /><br />Love & Hugs,<br />MarieMariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05469330580965664454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-6552468284051999112009-07-31T06:53:58.426-07:002009-07-31T06:53:58.426-07:00Pinkerbell, I'm new here (via David's post...Pinkerbell, I'm new here (via David's post of the day) and just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss.<br />I've never experienced miscarriage or ectopic,so I can't say that I know how you feel, but I do empathise and sympathise with you and your husband.<br />Take care.Mimihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08100985140335023467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-58407714812991258032009-07-30T13:37:46.317-07:002009-07-30T13:37:46.317-07:00I came over from David's authorblog. Congratul...I came over from David's authorblog. Congratulations on the Post of the Day Award. Hugs and blessings to you.Cheffie-Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16568520021347503121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-60163551634207052952009-07-30T01:48:49.483-07:002009-07-30T01:48:49.483-07:00Ah Suzanne it's the starkness of the image isn...Ah Suzanne it's the starkness of the image isn't it, which burns it into the memory? I'm sorry you had to go through that too.<br /><br />There are so many people commenting here, and my offline friends too, who've had the same sort of experience, or what I'd imagine to be worse - I know there are a lot of positives to be taken away and a lot of human kindness showing through (I now have 5 bunches of flowers and a cupboard full of chocolate) <br /><br />Elizabeth your experience sounds truly heartbreaking. You must have felt so angry with those medical professionals who didn't listen to you, and so devastated. Was it recent? Do you feel like you've worked through all that trauma? Writing about it really helps!<br /><br />Pouty - thanks so much. I wonder which levels? (she asks cheekily)<br /><br />Intro - thanks for your lovely long message. So very gentle and warming, I wonder how you are getting on with such troubles of your own?Pinkerbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284177422261688401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-19286753040855033482009-07-29T21:19:41.320-07:002009-07-29T21:19:41.320-07:00First of all Congratulations on POTD. That's w...First of all Congratulations on POTD. That's where I came from, and am glad I did. I would like to cheer you up, coz I know what you have gone through, my friend. I bet that having shared it with us here at blogsphere, would have made you feel a bit peaceful as you are not the only one. many many of us go through miscarriages, still born, and the likes. But it is as painful to each one of us. The unborn child lives in our hearts and our lives, though not physically. Our unconditional love is all we can give it. <br />However, try to believe that 'it came from heaven and went back heavenwards...." This is what my mom wrote in her diary many moons ago when she lost one of my unborn siblings.<br /><br />It's God's wish that you went through this, and it's God's wish that you will pull through this, and I am sure you will soon be well on your way. You have bidden your baby Bye Bye, from your body, but it will always live in your heart in a very special corner.<br />I am sure you wrote this post in the thick of your loss, coz it is so powerful, deeply felt, and incredibly true. You are lucky to be blessed with such writing skills, that you have touched all our hearts, a lot more than you know. We all bond with you in this moment, and wish you many healthy children.<br />With warm hugs and cheers !introspectionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10820207734329529880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-18493609310878888172009-07-29T18:46:42.720-07:002009-07-29T18:46:42.720-07:00Pinkerbell,
Congrats on post of the day. This was...Pinkerbell,<br />Congrats on post of the day. This was great on so many levels.Susan English Masonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05661766173970296173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-77351900676791633982009-07-29T14:30:30.944-07:002009-07-29T14:30:30.944-07:00I carried a (non viable) baby for six and a half m...I carried a (non viable) baby for six and a half months. I kept telling the OB/GYN that something was wrong but she didn't listen. Finally she sent me to a specialist and by then the baby had died. I was severely infected and had to undergo two surgeries. <br /><br />You write about such a tragic subject matter so well. Congrats on the POTD, that's how I found your post.Elizabeth Bradleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03150221675618198674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-8497492618557472182009-07-29T11:29:27.787-07:002009-07-29T11:29:27.787-07:00That image. The one on the screen. I miscarried ...That image. The one on the screen. I miscarried at 12 weeks and I can remember the image on the screen, magnified. And the faces, the faces of the people all around me.<br /><br />There will be good news soon.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09556206184198452490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-64279343655941455392009-07-29T11:12:48.732-07:002009-07-29T11:12:48.732-07:00((hugs))((hugs))marcia@joyismygoalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05325733307762033753noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-43161808687358956992009-07-29T09:43:36.045-07:002009-07-29T09:43:36.045-07:00Pink, don't worry about any of us...we're ...Pink, don't worry about any of us...we're fine!!!! Please, just take care of YOU!!!! We love you so very much!!!! Congrats!!!!~Janine XO <br /><br />I'm hiding in the shadows...but will continue to keep you in my thoughts...Sniffles and Smileshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10073156486641622612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-51616098723274871892009-07-29T07:05:28.959-07:002009-07-29T07:05:28.959-07:00Hi Jay,
It's difficult to get perspective on ...Hi Jay,<br /><br />It's difficult to get perspective on it as I was so bewildered by it all, maybe they thought clinical was best and sort out the emotions afterwards, but in my heart I felt they were wrong in the way they treated us. In calmer moment I might give them some feedback!Pinkerbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284177422261688401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-54875118353172923112009-07-29T06:46:23.929-07:002009-07-29T06:46:23.929-07:00Oh, what a terrible ordeal for you - and it doesn&...Oh, what a terrible ordeal for you - and it doesn't sound as though the hospital staff made it any easier. How unfeeling it all sounds, with students and medical staff so eagerly interested in what was, for you, a momentous and gut-wrenching, hugely personal event.<br /><br />I'm glad your husband was there to assert himself and make you feel loved and protected.jayhttp://www.thedeppeffect.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-32297104041754469352009-07-29T05:10:18.114-07:002009-07-29T05:10:18.114-07:00Nan - thanks so very very much. That quote has mad...Nan - thanks so very very much. That quote has made me fill with tears but it's so beautiful that I'm glad I've read it and I will treasure it.<br /><br />A couple of years ago a friend lost her daughter and I so wanted to help but knew it was beyond my expertise, so I bought a book called "when your friend's child dies" by Juliane Grant. I read it so many times that I was able to apply it to myself. It's been such a help and I notice it has a section on men & miscarriages - how apt. She said that she felt so lonely because everyone gave her space and she presumed friends would tell other friends but people didn't like to. I remember telling her she needed to ask for support and help, that people didn't know what to do. I'm now trying to remember all these things in reverse. The best thing we can do for each other is to share our experiences.Pinkerbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284177422261688401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-64185625494750948712009-07-29T04:52:33.253-07:002009-07-29T04:52:33.253-07:00Sandi -you were writing here as I was writing - he...Sandi -you were writing here as I was writing - hello and many thanks, I feel the warmth from everyone's good wishes.Pinkerbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284177422261688401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-62537966997591257892009-07-29T04:50:58.632-07:002009-07-29T04:50:58.632-07:00Pinkerbell, it's so good to talk about these t...Pinkerbell, it's so good to talk about these things. When I miscarried my first baby (a boy) at three months, so many people said things like "it wasn't viable" which I knew was right but sounded so MEDICAL and heartless. My baby! And then someone told me something so beautiful: <br /><br />"Sometimes, there's a soul who has had such a terrible life, so much pain and hunger and trauma, that they cannot move on to heaven or their next life or whatever. This soul needs some time here, just being held and loved. They need to feel warmth, unconditional love, and comfort. And you, the parent, do this willingly as an act of absolute love and giving. Then, once they are stronger they give you thanks and bless you and move on. They choose to be an "imperfect" pregnancy, one which must end too soon, because they have tasks to complete in other, harder lives." <br /><br />I like this much better than "not medically viable", don't you? <br /><br />And yes, I went on to have THREE healthy sons. They are wonderful, and I still think of my own "Peanut".Nan Sheppardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02526627128978409559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-43599107404999944522009-07-29T04:50:25.180-07:002009-07-29T04:50:25.180-07:00File - you are right to ask about my husband, he i...File - you are right to ask about my husband, he is just as much a part of this as me and it's good to get some idea of male perspective. I think you're right that his gut instinct kicked in to protect me. I needed it, I felt so overwhelmed by the people in the clinic. With hindsight we weren't treated well, as humans I mean. The medical care was fine. I do try to see the good things in life and try to see beauty, also thinking of nature around me has helped gain perspective. We have wide views along the valley which we live up the side of, and I've been watching the rain sweep along the valley this morning, feeling comfort inthe fact it keeps going regardless.<br /><br />Thanks Ladybird and Sarah, you having been through it too makes me feel more normal, it's so good of you to share this with me - it does bring hope.Pinkerbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284177422261688401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-65642580353430129132009-07-29T04:41:28.130-07:002009-07-29T04:41:28.130-07:00Losing a child is one of the hardest things for an...Losing a child is one of the hardest things for any mother. There are many of us out here who can weep along with you and say, don't worry baby we know we know...and we do.<br />Over from David's place...<br />warm hugs and deepest sympathy<br />SandiSandi McBridehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09033518416111957858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-55331327687732286832009-07-29T04:30:52.630-07:002009-07-29T04:30:52.630-07:00My heart goes out to you and to the loss off the b...My heart goes out to you and to the loss off the baby you had that didn't make it into our world only into our hearts.<br /><br />Having had several miscarriages, after years of trying ...I went on to have three beautiful children.<br /><br />Your wish, also, will come true.<br /><br />In the meantime grieve the loss of the one you had ...say goodbye when you are ready ...<br /><br />And life will begin again, as it does.Sarah Luluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05884012730205363096noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-76752111378407977432009-07-29T02:37:09.000-07:002009-07-29T02:37:09.000-07:00I read every last word and so feel for you. Reall...I read every last word and so feel for you. Really. Have had many miscarriages, but have never had such a bleak time as you... Thinking of you and hoping that you have good friends to laugh with and a good husband to love. Sounds like you do..all will be well. x (congratulations on post of the day)Ladybird World Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04410236464722005178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-41352768194173036292009-07-29T01:36:08.872-07:002009-07-29T01:36:08.872-07:00David - thanks so much for that amazing vote of su...David - thanks so much for that amazing vote of support & the much coveted Post of the Day!Pinkerbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284177422261688401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-62622962238284240942009-07-29T01:33:42.035-07:002009-07-29T01:33:42.035-07:00Janine, yes you did give me hope, I'm sorry I ...Janine, yes you did give me hope, I'm sorry I didn't say that to you - my brain is still fuzzy! xPinkerbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284177422261688401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-65960844492671322932009-07-28T17:26:49.662-07:002009-07-28T17:26:49.662-07:00Pink, Just checking in to see how you are doing......Pink, Just checking in to see how you are doing...and wondering if my experience gives you hope...I so HOPE it does!!! David's right...this is an absolutely fantastic piece of writing...you've brought forth beauty from extraordinary pain...my thoughts and heart are with you today...You can be sure I'll be "haunting" your blog in the coming weeks just because I want to know how you are doing...and I'll be in touch as soon as I return...Love and hugs, JanineSniffles and Smileshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10073156486641622612noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7291462430609922363.post-23270976961966780082009-07-28T16:08:32.590-07:002009-07-28T16:08:32.590-07:00There is loss on so many levels in this amazing po...There is loss on so many levels in this amazing post. There is nothing profound I can offer in terms of strength, consolation or understanding, beyond my honest assessment that this is an extremely deep, honest, raw piece of writing.<br /><br />God bless .....david mcmahonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18009095220051075552noreply@blogger.com